Hello, lovelies!  I wanted to take a moment to chat honestly with you about my current feelings about posting, including on my blog and YouTube channel as well as the other social media platforms I usually frequent.  I’ve been trying to sort out this next part of my online journey as lately I’m feeling rather conflicted about it.  I thought it was only fair to share those feelings, however muddled, with you since you take time out of your day to sit down with me.  Plus, I’m kind of hoping writing them out will help me figure out a new plan and perhaps you might have some suggestions as well.  So, grab a cup of something comforting and let’s have a chat.

Motherhood has been the absolute best thing to ever happen to me.  I love being a mama to my precious little girl, Charlotte.  She is the light of my life.  I relish every moment I spend with her, even the tough ones.  I’ve never felt so relaxed, grounded, and at peace before.  It’s like finally finding the ground after years of searching.  I don’t mean to sound melodramatic, but that is actually a very accurate description of my experience.

While I feel like I’ve finally settled into my truest self, which is so comforting to my soul, I’ve noticed that some parts of my pre-mama life now feel out of place.  In my personal life, I’m less apologetic for my feelings and actions when they don’t align with what others want.  I used to bend so easily to accommodate others out of a deep seated guilt complex I carried with me as a young adult.  I thought I was being a good fill-in-the-blank (friend, family member, etc) by always compromising, but I now realize I wasn’t doing anyone any favors by not being true to myself.  This realization wasn’t a lightbulb that suddenly clicked on one day, but something I came to slowly through a lot of introspection and observation in my late twenties and now early thirties.  Being a mama and feeling like I’m finally truly living in my own skin has sealed in this new sense of self that is, thankfully, (mostly) guilt-free.

In my public life, I feel more protective of my family and their privacy than ever before.  I’ve always been very careful about what I post that involves others.  I always ask before filming or sharing photographs of anyone other than myself, even of my husband, Don, who has never had an issue with being shared about online.  And even then I am super selective about what I choose to share.  That selectiveness has greatly increased this year with the addition of Charlotte into our fold.  You might have noticed I haven’t shared any glimpses of our new nephew, Theo.  That’s not because my sister-in-law doesn’t want me to; I haven’t even asked because I want to protect his privacy in these early months of his life.

My mama bear protectiveness levels are at an all time high.  Much of that is due to the unfortunate negativity that seems to be growing online these days.  People can be incredibly cruel when they think they are anonymous in their posting.  I truly believe that there is no such thing as anonymity with spreading negativity either in person or online.  One’s actions always have a ripple effect, both outwards and inwards.  Unnecessary negativity sours the soul and is a heavy burden to shoulder, consciously or not.

I personally have never understood the point in spreading unnecessary meanness online.  If I don’t like something I see, I simply move on.  Some people seem to have a real need to be mean.  This is purely a reflection of their own burdens they carry and often has little to do with whatever or whomever they choose to target.  They feel the need to deflect negativity as a way of lightening their own load.  Sadly, what most of these people fail to realize is that spreading hate only adds to their burden.  It’s a vicious downward spiral that can consume those who do not have the gift of unconditional self love to support them.

Here’s where my posting dilemma comes into play.  I feel the need to be more protective of my personal life and family than ever before yet I also miss sharing more openly about my life.  The world can be a frightening place, and increasingly so with true privacy becoming a thing of the past with the many doors the internet opens.  I feel stuck, really.  To be honest, I’m not loving my content lately.  I like all of my posts, of course, or I wouldn’t make them, but as a whole they’re leaving me quite dissatisfied as they don’t paint a complete picture.  I want to be able to share openly and honestly without fear.  Sadly, those days are long past.

I know some people will tell me to “not listen to the haters” and share what I want without giving them a second thought, but in these times and circumstances I don’t think that’s really an option anymore.  I might be one of the few YouTubers who actually doesn’t want her channel to grow, because with that exposure comes more opportunities for people to overstep boundaries and blur the lines between right and wrong.  Being “anonymous” online does not give anyone the right to disrespect others or breech their right to privacy.  Sharing online does not mean you deserve to be (mis)treated like a thing rather than a person.

I was watching this video the Saccone-Joly’s made about their experience with real life interference from some obviously extremely miserable people.  Can you believe people had the nerve to actually call child protective services and the ASPCA and report on their family and pets?  Anna and Jonathan are clearly healthy, stable parents who love their children and dogs and provide them all with a healthy, stable environment.

Obviously, this was a tactic meant to annoy and inconvenience a lovely family trying to share honestly about their lives online rather than from a place of real concern.  The audacity of some people is astonishing.  I should have been shocked to learn of this, but sadly I wasn’t, because this is the kind of stuff YouTubers have to deal with now.  I’ve had my own share of “hater interference,” fortunately not to the same extremes, but enough to make me incredibly careful about what I share on the internet these days.

This is where I’m at right now: I want to be able to share freely, but I don’t think it’s wise to do so at this time.  I could blog more, but I feel my strong suit is my video content.  I feel stuck, which is really depleting my posting mojo.  I’m trying to pave a new path, but I haven’t found the right one just yet.  I appreciate your continued patience and support while I work my way through my current feelings about posting.  I am continually surprised and encouraged by the many cheerleaders I’ve encountered along the way in my online journey.  Thank you for treating me like a friend.  I hope to continue on in a way that sparks joy for both me and you.

Remember that your words and actions have a lasting impact, not just on others, but more critically, on yourself.  You reap what you sow.  Spread love and joy.  Life is too short and precious to waste on negativity.  When you are kind to others, you cultivate inner peace and experience true joy.  These are the gifts of a life well lived.  Take good care, friends, and live well…